Oh-oh…I’m having panicky thoughts. Surely it must have been that spicy food?
1. “I am never having sex again.”
You only realize how overrated sex in general is when you might actually have to confront the repercussions it can possibly bring. No matter how hot the sex you had was at the time, you immediately want to retire from the game entirely and spend the rest of your life holding hands, knitting blankets for babies, and being a completely asexual human being. Your brain just goes into “damage control” mode and realizes how your life would be just as good if you never again engaged in a sex act. It’s just not worth it.
2. “I didn’t even have sex, but I’m definitely pregnant.”
And even if you didn’t actually have sex, your batshit-insane brain can’t help but make up some absurd story about how you might have accidentally sat on some dried semen on a subway seat or something horrific like…
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